2/23/2010

A TOILET BOWL OF FLUTTERING BUTTERFLIES

I am So Exited that I may well Shit Butterflies!!



On Thursday, THIS THURSDAY NO LESS, The Man
and I will be taking his 86 year old grandmother to the
big city to see, in 3D, AVATAR!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CROSS CULTURAL GENERATIONAL
ORGASMIC EXTRA-HOTNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And NOT just any ole 86 year old grandmother!
But!!!  A woman who was born and raised in a tiny
backwoods French mining village in the middle
of the mountains of Averyon!!!

A woman who birthed her twins in the same home
where she, and her mother before her, were birthed!!!

A woman who was as far removed from the niceties
of the modern world as one can get in a "first world country."

A woman who never learned to drive!!!!
A woman who is a fantastic and hilarious example of
energy and longevity in the face of a life that was way
harder than many of us can imagine, regardless of what we think.

This hot ass wonderful, funny, and extraordinary woman
is going to have her ass in a movie seat, a bowl of popcorn
on her lap, and some fine ass 3D glasses perched upon her
lovely little nose--Elbow Deep in the world of AVATAR!!!

I AM SO EXCITED SO EXCITED SO EXCITED I MIGHT
JUST HAVE ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!@@!!!!!!

Let me make the following note:
I recognized the intense and obnoxious flaws of Avatar.
The bad writing (made worse, no doubt, by translation),
the racism, the whitey saves the day, the straight up obnoxious
army stereotypes...etc, etc, etc....

SHE GETS TO SEE 3D!!!!!!!

I will also, and more importantly, note that:
I will be not only taking her, but the memory of my own
grandmother, who raised my mother and her siblings in a
dirt floor, out-house havin', poor little home in the middle
of a Welsh mining village of 200 people.

My grandmother, who raised me every summer
when my mother sent us away and where I ran like
a feral cat with the only instruction being to return
when the streetlights went on.

My grandmother, who would back me up in my many,
and justified, physical fights.

My grandmother, who, when I was 10 and started developing
breast mass behind my nipple, took very seriously and
respectfully my total freak out that I was developing breast
cancer and, with great prudence and tact, gave me a perfunctory
little breast exam, ascertaining that death was not, in fact, immanent.

My grandmother, who, when i asked her if she would mind
my marrying an African-American man, thought for a second and
said: "I don't care who you marry, as long as he doesn't have any
of those funny pigtails" (which put to rest the possibility of Bob
Marley as a husband).

My grandmother, who knew I was divorcing before anyone told her.

My grandmother, who told my mother that I was pregnant
the first time long before I told anyone at all.

My grandmother, who, at 85 years old, did a 3 month car road trip
across the US with my mother .

My grandmother, who made the best f*cking tomato and
sweet vinegar sandwiches and sat with me and watched
"Come Dancing" with as much excitement as I will be
watching The Man's grandmother as she watches
AVATAR IN 3D!!!!!

My grandmother finally left her body for good 5 months ago.
We all saw her before she left.  We all held her frail and
trembling hand.  I carried her coffin from the chapel
with my cousins.

My grandmother would have loved AVATAR in 3D!!!!

6 comments:

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Have fun at the movie. It's really great that you have so many wonderful memories of your own grandmother.

Sher said...

You have a great writing style here. Compairing both grandmothers in such a way that reminds me of my Grandmother.

I loved Avatar and actually paid to see it twice! I never pay to see a movie more than once. I'm too cheap LOL! The 3D is not any other you have seen. Most 3D movies have something flying at your face. This was 3D in a way that made you feel you were living the movie too. It pulled you in.

Have a great time and let us know everything ;)

Braindance said...

I have yet to see Avatar, I want to, just waiting for it to hit our cinema with leather seats for two and a bar.
So lush to take the granma, reminds me of when I took my 80 year old friend to see Bruno.
I like your style.x

Boomka said...

A. Hilarious. B. I think you are incredibly daring, or grandma is incredibly daring, or this is a poor decision. I mean pretty much no matter what your sure for a laugh and a scare. I hope it is more the former than the latter!

Sister Wolf said...

Even if I were your Grandma, I wouldn't see Avatar. I hate James Cameron too much. But I hope the Grandma enjoys it!

French Shelter said...

ETW: Thanks for the wishes! See the result in today's post!!! Gramma With the 3D!!

SHER: Thank you so much for the comments! It's true, we all agreed, Gramma included, that it was just enough to pull you in...any more would have distracted from the very lame story.

BRAINDANCE: O Shit And Willows! Bruno!!! That is a brilliant move on the intergenerational part!!!!!!
Of course, their generation was gettin' nasty in ways that we can only imagine!! Thank you for the comment!

BOOKMA: Gramma is a piece and monument to great hotness and true spirit!!! Woof!

SW: O Sistah. O Sistah Sistah Sistah. I, too, hate the Cameron. He is a big ass fuck. It is true. But it's for Gramma!!!