Happy and In Love Dreams

When I am feeling depressed and disconnected
I dream that I am Happy and In Love with
men other than my Beloved.

In the last week I had three
of these dreams in a row.

Dream Number One:
I am Happy and In Love With
my boyfriend from my mid-twenties.
I loved this boy. He was a big,
masculine and totally cuddly Serb.

We were great.

Then he let another Serb girl
give him a blowjob on a washing machine
in his apartment building laundry room.

That led to my first good sonnet.
And a breakup.

God only knows how because I don't
remember--We finally got back together.

Then I got pregnant.
And he was already going to Brazil
for 3 weeks...so a friend took me
to get the abortion.

I was in his bathroom peeing when
he got back and his "cosmetics travel bag"
was open on the floor....and inside it...
a lot of condoms.

He had gone to Brazil
leaving his pregnant girlfriend
with a armful of condoms in his bag.

Sounds like a very bad country song.

I did not like being a backwoods
stereotype..so I moved to LA.

He has never recovered.
It sounds conceited but it is true.

His next girlfriend looked Exactly like me.
Which is a little difficult to do.

He went from being an occasional
pot smoker to an I-don't-know-whater
and the next time I saw him
he was weeping over me
and weighed almost nothing
and was practically homeless.
He might even be dead now.

However.
In the dream he was healthy
and we were Happy and In Love
and he was swinging an
enormous penis in the breeze.


The next dream was about
James Franco.
Who I know.
But have never been with.

But that.
Is another story.