Marriage: And How It Will Do You In The Butt.
I'm not saying that no one should get married.
I also am not going to get into the profound
philosophical arguments about marriage, nor
am I going to touch on Gay Marriage which
I support...on a basic human rights platform.
I am ALSO not saying that what I am about
to be saying applies to the gay community...
nor am I saying that it applies to anything
other than my experience as a european
heritaged, living in the western world,
culturally diverse, economically lower-class
person such as myself.
I'm just sayin'...that They never tell you how
"society" (whatever that bag of bones is) will
look at you completely differently once you
sign that abstraction which says what exactly?
That in the eyes of whom you will stay with
this person for the rest of your life.
If Divorce was illegal, you can bet your
Gramma's Fanny that the marriage rate would
dwindle like my porno-breasts (which seem
to be making a come-back, thankfully).
I NEVER wanted to get married.
This, it must be said, was a natural response
to being tied down (I only like it if I have a good
safe word-"ketchup", for example) and also a profound
understanding that nobody would want to marry a freak such
So when my boyfriend asked me to marry him,
after 2 years of living together, I was pretty
fucking surprised that I said yes.
He is a lovely person.
He is smart, funny, kind, giving, handsome,
charming, lovable....does anyone want his number?
Also, bizarrely enough, he is a White American Chap.
This, I never, ever thought would happen.
Permanent settlement with a White American?
My serious boyfriends, to that point, had been English,
Serbian, and Non-White Americans.
Ok. He is half-Jewish...which, in some deconstructionist
circles, would remove the "white" label.
But really, he is the perfect husband.
Even down to his being almost a decade younger
than I and loving every little part of me.
So I said yes.
We had the best fucking wedding of all time.
I walked down the "aisle" to the themesong for
"The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly."
We had all the family members put on an
excellently tacky cabaret show. And we got down
to living a totally harmonious life.
And then I realized:
In the eyes of the American World,
I was now ....... A Nun.
I did not know it, but in the western hetro world
there is a wave of sexual energy upon which one
floats in the social circles. Even if there is no chance
for sex with any male friend, the male friends actually
do, whether or not they know it, carry you along on
a little moving sexual vibe tidepool.
The MOMENT you are married.
It is DRY LAND FOR EVER!!!!!
WHY NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS
IS JUST DOWN RIGHT CRIMINAL!
To make matters more complicated:
While I loved my husband (and hate the word "husband")
I just was not attracted to him.
I have no idea why, with all of his
qualities. I even loved the way he
smelled. But I could not get far enough
away from him in bed...sleeping, sexing,
the whole thing.
He, however, was all about my booty.
And sensitive enough to see that I was not
into his. I assumed that it must be due to the
safety of our relationship bringing up all of my
sexual abuse issues. I went to therapy. I read
tons of books. I did EMDR.
STILL I DID NOT WANT TO DO EL NINO WITH HIM.
This, Dear Reader, is one of the worst emotional situations
in which one can find oneself (and, again, I know very
well that I am not in Haiti, post or pre earthquake).
So. I did what was right. After two years I left.
But not before complete sexual drama in the
hands of a 19 year old.
However. That. Is not the point. The point is:
LADIES: if you are thinking about getting married,
look at what you really need emotionally.
Perhaps you don't think you need outside sexual vibe
support. Perhaps you think that you are immune.
That you are capable of riding your own self generated
sexual wave into the empty hands of eternity.
If so. You are a better lady than I.
I'm just saying.....!